Final day of detox

I survived it! Ha, no really, it was great, after the first few days that is. But now, I notice a significant change in the way I feel. I feel cleaner and lighter. My skin looks awesome and I have more energy. I have to say, the one thing that I have noticed the most is how much better I sleep and fall asleep. Cursed with being a light sleeper, I have always struggled with waking up several times a night, for no reason. This is particularly annoying when it takes a minimum of  thirty minutes to fall asleep. But for the past few days I have gone to sleep quickly and only woken up once!  This waking can be attributed to the 75 ounces of water I am drinking daily. It is nearly impossible to get them all in before 4pm.
Also a bonus, I have lost 10lbs! Woo.Surely a large part was water weight, but who cares?! I feel great. Lighter even. So I am planning to keep up a modified version of this eating plan. And try to do the detox maybe once every two months. Just to keep bad habits like refined sugar and yucky fats at bay. Don't really miss dairy, but I have not been to a Mexican restaurant yet.
Today is the last day of the detox so the Hubs and I are going to celebrate with a movie, woo hoo. He is so excited because my average annual attendance to Malco is about 4 movies, so he will totally go see a girly one with me if it means I will actually go. We haven't decided if we want to see a self-indulgent woman whine and dine her way across the Eastern Hemisphere, or yet another rom-com about bucking the traditional family system. Hey, an escape is an escape and I will take that break from reality for a 100 or so minutes.

detox: for life!

So I am on day 8 of an 11 day detox plan...it isn't nearly as bad as it sounds. It is a 7 day prep with a one day liquid fast and then 3 days post-fast. It is the Fast Track Detox and it really is great, once you get used to it. I did the same author's Fat Flush Plan years ago when I had lots of issues, and it made a remarkable difference in my life. Seriously. So far I have lost 9lbs, most of which I think was water being held by all the nasty things I have eaten over the last year.
I got the Hubs to do it with me, and my sister is doing it long distance - though she is a day ahead, lucky her fast is behind her. The Hubs managed to hang tough for 4 days, but the no gluten and no caffeine was a deal breaker for him. I can't blame him. However, we have both seen a marked difference in how we look and feel and how we think about food. I used to be crazy strict about food but pregnancy has a way of changing things. And I never really got back on track. Reading this book teaches you a lot about food toxins and what they do to your body. Now, there are plenty of things that I love that I cannot wait to eat again, so no finger pointing coming from me. Maybe just not eat as much or as often. But I can tell that this has made an impact on our family and I am very grateful that my husband is embracing this new and improved style of eating for major lifestyle enhancement!
Today is the Miracle Juice fasting day and I have made it to noon, I am halfway through the fasting day!! Sitting down to a mani/ pedi to take my mind off it and reward myself for being disciplined and sticking to it. I will let you all know that I have survived and what the results were!

New Era

Sort of...I am looking at a weekend that will hold two fairly major events in my life. Who knew they would both be on the same day? Well God knew, but He didn't tell me until sometime this past spring. Ha!
This Saturday will hold both my ten year high school reunion and my first child's first birthday! I just let out a huge sigh as I typed that. There is a lot of life that has happened in both of those time lines. Unfortunately we are not going to make the reunion. There is a rather large sporting event in Oxford this weekend, so we are staying here to participate. I am doing the 5k and the Hubs is doing one of the bike rides. I guess this is our way of saying that we are still cool and somewhat fit. Really I am afraid that these events will confirm our worst fears - we are no longer the spry twenty somethings we think we are. This is also the argument the Hubs likes to use for Baby #2, you know the "we aren't getting any younger" one. Somehow that evokes a less than thrilled response about physically carrying another human being for the better part of a year. Another, because Soon-to-No-Longer-Be-Baby H has recently discovered that being held and carried is her favorite thing, next to holding our fingers and following her belly around the house on tiptoe.
Hope everyone has a fun weekend in store.I am hoping that by sometime tomorrow evening I will reminiscing over a glass of wine about the last year of parenthood and comparing it to the other previous 9 or fewer years that seem productive but less full than the last couple have been!

All Joy No Fun

Did any of you read the article last week from New York Magazine All Joy No Fun - Why Parents Hate Parenting ? If not, you need to allocate about 20 minutes and go read that right now. Parent or not.
Did you read it? WOW right? Ok, now did you read some of the comments? Let me say that I was rather impressed with several of the readers' comments. Intelligent and insightful even. They gave more weight to the article for me. But back to the article...
Heartbreaking...such a limited view on parenting and the choices (or not) behind it. Look, I'll be the first to tell you that I never saw myself as a mom, or maybe it was just that I never saw myself as what I thought the typical 'mom' looked like. Not that I didn't have a good role model.
And insert aside here:
My mother was/is quite possibly one of the most amazing, accomplished and complicated people I have ever had the pleasure to call friend. And I appreciate all of her qualities even more, now that I have my own child. There is an entirely new level now that we are 3 generations. It's like the bonus round in Super Mario, but without the annoying music. Want to love, understand and appreciate your mother more than you thought possible - have a baby.

...and we're back.

I agree that there are new expectations of parenting as outlined in the article. There is a lot of competition and judgment going around too. And this is just as apparent in the Christian community as it is elsewhere.
I have to agree with one of the comments, but refine it and say that having kids will not make you ultimately happy, neither will not having them. Same goes for being married, getting the job or whatever other goal you have. We have to consider how we measure our happiness. Or our joy.

I have a million verses I could stick in here about where my ultimate joy comes from but here are a few of my favorites:
"These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be full." John 15:11

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." Romans 15:13

And one that is a little harder, but helps me all the time...

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing for your faith produces steadfastness." James 1: 2-4

The joy/ happiness robbing is a 360 problem as well, economy, leave conditions, current social issues, technology and so on influence us in more ways than we know. No wonder our heads are spinning and we are always second guessing ourselves - when every other blog post or news article says there is a newer and better way to do things.
Ultimately we do have a choice. We have the power in this struggle. There were and still are days when I  have to  stop and reevaluate every hour. Am I going to choose joy? Lord help me choose joy, and remain in You for that joy.

I don't have a concrete response for this, I just thought it needed to be shared. Tell me what you think!

What is THAT?!

I love my sweet baby, but for once...just once, I would like to get out of the house without snot or drool on my work clothes. Impossible you say? Well can I at least notice it before I am halfway through the work day? Preferably before I have seen about ten people who are rather important or well known in the community.
Granted, when you live in a small town everyone thinks  they are important - so maybe I have only seen about two important people. But THEY weren't going to say "Hey lady what is that on your pants leg?" Oh this? Hmm, looks like a baby booger to me! It's part of my outfit. It's my final accessory, no ensemble of mine is complete without it. All the mommas are wearing them. What? You don't have one? HOW JEALOUS ARE YOU?!
I mean I could avoid touching her altogether, but how can you resist this:

And thanks for all of your prayers! I am thrilled to report that The Hubs has secured temporary employment. We are all very excited about buying Charmin over the scratchy generic brand for the next little bit. Our bottoms and noses thank you too! Because if there is one thing I hate to sacrifice it is quality TP - and I know many of you are bobbing your heads at your screens right now.

Choosing joy

I know this is not a revelation. But that doesn't always make it easy. I was driving home from lunch listening to some fabulous music, the sun was shining and my freaking eye was STILL twitching. Anyone following me on Twitter knows this has been going on for about 9 days now. I think it is due to stress, shocking I know.
Any who...so I was driving trying to figure out what exactly was all this stress from? I mean stress comes from worry and is kind of like fear in a way, and I heard from someone once that fear was a distrust in God's ultimate control or plan, or something more eloquent than that. Now my husband says he sleeps like a Calvinist - code for sleeps VERY VERY well. And granted, he is probably not full on Calvinist, but I sure would like to sleep more like him!
This week I have wanted to throw things. That is not a good sign. (I said wanted to people, I haven't lost any McCarty to my frenzy just yet.)
And then yesterday my baby did not want to leave daycare. She didn't want to see me when I picked her up. Devastating. I had to peel her from the shoulder of one of our sweet sweet daycare ladies. And she cried all the way out the door and into the car seat. What a motivator for re-evaluating life. I am sure she can feel the tension at home. Granted, I am sure she just really likes all of the toys at daycare too, and what a nice problem to have.
Then it all came smashing in together in a state of "I don't want my daughter to go into the fetal position every time she sees my face spasm - Dear Jesus please help me let go and let my eye stop twitching!" (And I mean Dear Jesus in earnest, not in vain, for the record.)
So what I am rambling on about is making a choice, a conscious and intentional choice to be joyful, or at the very least to let go of the fear and begin to trust more. Some days I am great at it, other days not so much. I mean some hours I am good at and the other 22 or so, well, it's a toss up. It may be that I need to cut out some of the interference, and maybe cut back on the sugar and caffeine as well.

So after that deluge I will leave you with some cuteness! This is our latest trick!

Peek-a-boo!
By the way, can you tell that she loves feeding herself these days? Basically we just strip her down in the sink after and rinse with the faucet hose. No kidding - really we just sit her on the floor and let Lola go to town. It's a two-fer: dog and baby bather! Bonus!!
And I promise I am getting back to my normal, slightly inappropriate, and sassy self. I just need a new haircut.

Balloons in a bag...

If we can't laugh at ourselves through this crazy journey of motherhood we will make ourselves, and everyone around us miserable! Right?
So this weekend, because I love self-torture, I decided to go bra-shopping for the new post-baby 'ladies' and swimsuit shopping, for the new, but improving post-baby body - IN THE SAME TRIP. Hoo boy! They don't make words for those experiences, but at the least I provided some giggles for my mom and sister. People close to me know I am not modest, and I was not about to leave my support system out on this one - especially in the venture of new support.
Thanks to technologies and advances in textiles the outlook was not nearly as bleak as it could have been. Have you been bra-shopping lately?? It is mind blowing. The last time I went it was, hmm, well...I really can't remember, close to 2 years ago. Shameful I know. I also peel off the last paper towel shreds off the roll and have been known to wear jeans until they are transparent. Anywho...after gathering no less than 32 options, off to the dressing room I went to wrangle and wriggle into some form of womanly shape. After a lot of sweat and a few tears I had marginal success, but success nonetheless and ended up with two that look some what nice and manage to perform the miracle of lifting the worn and torn leftover 'baggage' of my baby's sole source of nutrition for some seven plus months.
Moving on, part two: the bathing suit search! Cue scary music: Duh da DUH!! So there I was 3 pounds short of my weight-loss goal for Memorial Weekend in a sea of Lycra and floral prints. Again thank you to the person who realized that maybe a little ruching and smaller patterns might be more flattering to those of us who are waist-line compromised. So I took an armful of sizes and shapes back to the dressing room, hopeful with all of my options.
Side rant: because you love these - what the hell is wrong with shopping mall designers? It's like they do the whole building and then go "oh crap, what if they want to try the clothes on?!" and then find the dankest place because they are stumped for space, and get the cheapest lighting because the project is already over budget, and the throw up a few ply-board walls and expect us to feel all pretty and sexy? I CAN SEE MY PORES in those lights! Why would seeing my pores make me want to buy a swimsuit - now a sweatsuit is another story but that just isn't practical in 100 degree weather.
I had suits of all shapes and sizes, in desperate hope to find the perfect suit to cover up all the imperfections and not make me look like a...uh...well, MOM! So after lots of wailing and gnashing of teeth,(because yes my idea of hell just might be trying on swimsuits, but trying them on in public, with people watching and the devil purposely hands you suits that are two sizes too small) I found one that I really like. I mean it actually made me look smaller! But of course they didn't have it in the correct size. Sob.
But my sweet mother, who had put up with SO much already whisked me away to Target to find an emergency suit for a memorial day event. I was determined to get Baby H in the pool so we found one that would work - although I still have fears of someone asking me if I am pregnant because it is a loose tankini. I mean how do you answer that question, really? No ass, I am just still fat from the first one, but thanks for pointing it out. Sometimes I secretly want to say yes - just to see the look on their faces, but don't because I will want to slap them for the question that inevitably follows "Oh, so were you trying?"

Man, squeezing my softness into stretchy things really brings out my pretty side doesn't it? Oh well it was all worth it for this precious face!

Sorry about the boob shot - this is the cheap-er bathing suit! :) Oh and later that same weekend my sweet husband ordered THIS ONE in green, online for me since I loved it so much. And yes I look exactly like her when I put it on too!

Glad that is over

So, last week was hellatious! Yes that is a word, pronounced hee-el-ay-shus! It was an insane week at work - for a good cause - that ended with some nasty weather and a few threatening phone calls. Oh well, if there is anything that I have learned in my short (albeit full) life, it is that you can't make all the people happy all of the time.
Side step: I remember my mom telling me the quote from Abraham Lincoln at a very young age "You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time" - I had a fictional language problem. And I quickly learned that Moms know EVERYTHING! Hear that Baby H? EVERYTHING!!

Anyways...so all I have to show for this weekend is this:

I have no idea what I have done. I blame that 19lb baby that I have been toting around. I am going to try this for a week and then see what happens. It was cheaper than a visit to the doctor, but it is really getting in the way of my blogging!

Baby H did attend the delayed, but wonderful Double Decker Festival, and she had a big time. And her first nap on the go. She passed out in her jogger and slept for a good hour while we navigated the crowds and crafts.

We have a busy week coming up. Lots of things on the schedule. Tonight is a public hearing for our not-so-big-but-rather-bad utility company. They want to increase rates by about 27% and that is just ridiculous, considering there are constant issues, boil water notices, I could go on and on. Any tips on how to shame them into better service at a reasonable rate?

I am still struggling with the working mommy guilt, but I have discovered a few things: I like to eat, I like to bathe, and I like to stay out of the rain - all very good motivators for staying right where I am. I never envisioned myself as a SAHM (stay at home mom), I don't think I would hate it, but I don't think I could do it full time either. For a lot of reasons...God bless those women that do.
I would love a few more non-work hours in the day though. I just keep daydreaming about what I could get done if I had an extra hour or two. I would LOVE to play with Baby H more, she is singing, clapping and wiggling up a storm! Now who wouldn't want more of that in their lives? But I would also really like to get a bit more cleanliness and organization done on the domestic front. The dust bunnies are winning this war and by 7:30pm I just don't have any fight left in me. And DON'T get me started about working out. I am doing Weight Watchers and I can tell a difference already. But I miss my daily runs and regular yoga schedule.
I know I can't have it do it all, but is it ok to want to?

Can we let go?

 Somehow I manage to read blogs, my goal this year is to read actual books. You know the things with all of the papers bound together with words and numbers at the bottom. You probably use them as shelf fillers or if you have a baby, you may use them to fend off the Baby Boogies. I used to read a ton after college and before having a baby. I did, I actually read books, for fun. A lot of them. I didn't have time in college, and I know all of you English majors out there will agree with me. And now that I have outed myself please resist scrutinizing this blog for impeccable grammar, at this time of night I am doing well to just spell correctly...most of the time.

Anyways. I read blogs. Quite a wide variety and as soon as I can figure it out I will link them all up somewhere on here. So I was catching up on one of my more favorite ones Becky and Hollee (their upcoming book is my new favorite mantra "Good Enough is the New Perfect") and came across a guest writer with a new concept. One that I have say, as a full time mom who works full time I really appreciate. This is such a novel idea, and may not be widely accepted. Even less so down here in the south. Saying No - please read this because it is so well written and explains a lot of what I think we (women) struggle with. As I was reading it a friend called me and and I read a bit from the post, she said "I don't know who wrote that but they are my hero." Really, I think there are several things that women need to let each other 'off the hook' for so to speak. We really can be our own worst enemies. Granted we had to work hard to get where we are and all that women's liberation jive, but it doesn't mean that we should ignore some of the innate things within us that make us uniquely female. I think that qualities like compassion, deep understanding and genuine sympathy come easily to us. We just know how to FEEL for another person.

This is to all of the amazing women in my life who manage to do so much for so many. There are a lot of days that I can feel the waterline creeping up just below my nose, and I know I am not in here treading water all alone, so for all of my women out there just know that if you forget to or just simply decide not to write me a thank-you note I will absolutely understand. Assuming I did something worth thanking, my motivation is never the expectation of recognition.

Big day...

So many things have happened in the last few days that were worth noting that I had to share them! First up:
I was able to button my first pair of pre-pregnancy pants! Applause all around. Fine that it only took me a little over five months, but let's be honest I wasn't really trying that hard. Remember the cookies? I am still perfecting them, by the way. But apparently they didn't do that much harm because I BUTTONED MY PANTS! Ha! So there is that. And all you people that can slink back into your skinny jeans weeks after giving birth, I feel sorry for you because you did not get to eat near as many cookies as I did.
What else? Oh! Major accomplishment number two: everyone got out of the door on time this morning. And I actually got to work a few minutes early. There was a time when this was my norm - that time was during the bliss of second trimester. You know when you have the insomnia and can't sleep but for some reason have unexplained energy that you must use. I used mine to get my ass out of bed and to work in a manner so timely that my former boss received a message that was time stamped 7:56. Uh huh, I was there before I had to be, and I was working! Anyways my new boss, bless his heart (don't you just love Southern expressions), is so understanding and after I totally abandoned him while on maternity leave he still overlooks the fact that I cannot seem to get myself there before 8:05, ever. Even on the days when Baby H sounds her alarm well before mine goes off. I promise I am working on this.
Also, I got my shoes! My sweet husband picked them up for me while on his way to class earlier this week. Woo hoo. Nevermind that they are hot pink - so pink that Barbie is jealous. I think they will make me run faster, hey I can hope right? If anything they will make my body more readily identifiable when they have to scrape me up off of the side of the road after attempting to complete (not compete) in one of the largest races in North America.

Alright I know that this post is all over the place. I was just so darn excited I had to share. But don't come here looking for logic (see previous post) or coherency. This is not the place. I'll try to keep it in line a bit more but this weekend was a total sleep sucker. Seriously, Baby H was sick, then crabby, then had shots, then was sick and crabby from the shots - and now it is almost Thursday. Must. Get. More. Sleep. Not tonight though, I am on baby duty solo since my other half seems to have a fever and is feeling ill. Who was that crazy lady talking about having more babies?

Call me crazy...

Ok, so I am going to just go ahead and put this out there and hope and pray that this feeling goes away. Why oh why oh why can I not stop thinking about having another baby??
There, I said it, it's out there. Now begin the unsolicited advice - that is what the comment section of these things is for people!
But seriously, this crazy thought came into my head in the weirdest way. I kept hearing about people being pregnant and I would get this little tingle of jealousy - what is that? Maybe I just loved the attention so much? And then it progressed to some sort of reasoning for me to stay slightly out of shape, because what is the point of losing all that weight and toning up if you are just going to balloon out again? Just last Monday I was telling my husband these things. Out loud, where he could hear me! And then I started rationalizing to him out loud that if we had our next children (yes that is more than one) close together when were through with diapers we would be totally done. And sure teething may last four years or so, but then it would be over. I know this logic is flawed somewhere, but it is not apparent enough to keep me from thinking this way. There is the slight issue of finances - but hey that is what hand-me-downs are for. No I would not care in the slightest if Junior wore all pink - it wouldn't really scar him until grade school anyways.
Never mind the fact that hubby is going back to school. I am sure you will hear of my new found respect for single working mothers soon. But by the time he is done with school will be just about the time we would need the extra hands - because they, yes more than one, would not really be all that mobile for the first nine-ish months right?

Here is my final argument:

Look at her! How could I not want five more just like her?! Boy or girl, if they come out this cute and this sweet. I have been warned of this phenomenon - having a good baby first. Apparently it is how you end up with an extra large family. The second one turns out to be a handful, so you keep having them trying to get back to the original sweetness and five delivery room ceilings later you are just left thinking man that is a lot of laundry!