Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Choosing joy

I know this is not a revelation. But that doesn't always make it easy. I was driving home from lunch listening to some fabulous music, the sun was shining and my freaking eye was STILL twitching. Anyone following me on Twitter knows this has been going on for about 9 days now. I think it is due to stress, shocking I know.
Any I was driving trying to figure out what exactly was all this stress from? I mean stress comes from worry and is kind of like fear in a way, and I heard from someone once that fear was a distrust in God's ultimate control or plan, or something more eloquent than that. Now my husband says he sleeps like a Calvinist - code for sleeps VERY VERY well. And granted, he is probably not full on Calvinist, but I sure would like to sleep more like him!
This week I have wanted to throw things. That is not a good sign. (I said wanted to people, I haven't lost any McCarty to my frenzy just yet.)
And then yesterday my baby did not want to leave daycare. She didn't want to see me when I picked her up. Devastating. I had to peel her from the shoulder of one of our sweet sweet daycare ladies. And she cried all the way out the door and into the car seat. What a motivator for re-evaluating life. I am sure she can feel the tension at home. Granted, I am sure she just really likes all of the toys at daycare too, and what a nice problem to have.
Then it all came smashing in together in a state of "I don't want my daughter to go into the fetal position every time she sees my face spasm - Dear Jesus please help me let go and let my eye stop twitching!" (And I mean Dear Jesus in earnest, not in vain, for the record.)
So what I am rambling on about is making a choice, a conscious and intentional choice to be joyful, or at the very least to let go of the fear and begin to trust more. Some days I am great at it, other days not so much. I mean some hours I am good at and the other 22 or so, well, it's a toss up. It may be that I need to cut out some of the interference, and maybe cut back on the sugar and caffeine as well.

So after that deluge I will leave you with some cuteness! This is our latest trick!

By the way, can you tell that she loves feeding herself these days? Basically we just strip her down in the sink after and rinse with the faucet hose. No kidding - really we just sit her on the floor and let Lola go to town. It's a two-fer: dog and baby bather! Bonus!!
And I promise I am getting back to my normal, slightly inappropriate, and sassy self. I just need a new haircut.


  1. haircut?? i thought we were growing it out? i say "we" b/c i think you have no restraint!

  2. Something about getting a haircut give me a different perspective, but I really DO want to grow it out!! And that sounded better than "I need a drink."

  3. hugs momma! I owe you an email and am on it. We lost internet all week... stupid trees falling on my lines! Anyways, thoughts and prayers my friend, you got to have the rain to get the rainbow. However, I am all to aware of how hard it is to embrace that thought at times.