There really are no adequate words to describe the range of emotions that I have gone through over the past month. A range of EXTREME emotions. I have gone from complete and utter stress and despair to high celebratory joy, to be brought down by grief - and there is the ever present overtone of anxiousness that I can't escape. I am not going to go into the details of the causes but let's just say the sermon I heard Sunday could not have come at a better time. Jesus calms the storm, Mark 4:35 - 41. It is no secret to me, nor the Hubs that I have some real worry/anxiety issues. I am better than I used to be, but they have gotten to the point of frustration - the point and which I am ready to really do something about it. So, God and His incredible timing gave me these verses:
35 On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side.” 36 And leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. And other boats were with him. 37 And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. 38 But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” 39 And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. 40 He said to them, “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” 41 And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, “Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?”
So the part that I had always overlooked was where Jesus said "Let's go across to the other side." Now why would he have suggested this journey's destination had he not intended to reach it? Anyone who knows me knows that I always have a keen eye on the weather, especially if things are predicted to get stormy. Throw in a large body of water and you might as well throw me the Valium. So if I was on the boat I would have been the first person to inform Jesus of my personal assessment of the situation. And then politely but emphatically suggest "Stop sleeping and get up and DO SOMETHING!"
But in an effort to conquer, over the next few weeks or however long it takes I will just keep repeating this tailored version to myself and imagine Jesus saying "Megan, why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?" and then plead for an increase in faith in my weak moments. Because I know that God would not have told me I would get to the 'other side' and then not let me get there to meet Him. Amen?
Oh and looking forward to heaven and angels. Here is a picture of one sweet angel baby!