Cause and Effect

And every action has a reaction...this has never been more apparent than with a baby. Like the unfortunate chocolate chip cookie incident(s). Or when I think that, she can make it a few more minutes so I can take the long loop on my walk. There are some things we do for a quick fix that end up being a habit that takes FOREVER to break. Like when the nurses came in to me on hour 39 into No Sleep Marathon of 2009 (that looks to be taking up a good part of 2010) and told me they had tried everything to make my baby happy and that she was still fussy so didn't I want to just go a head and try to give her a pacifier? Didn't they know that I had just pushed a watermelon, a large one at that, out of something the size of a lime? Didn't they know that I was on some serious pain medication to numb the damage that watermelon caused? OF COURSE THEY DID! And that is why they asked, knowing that I would just give in and say yes because I was too sleep deprived and too doped up to argue. Bottom line is I blame the nurses for our current situation - and are any of them around now? Nooooo.
Here is what a typical night looks like at our house:
7:00pm - Baby H in bed, Nuk secured
8:00pm - packing the diaper bag, washing something - there is always something that needs washing
8:49pm - Baby H cries because the Nuk has fallen out
8:50pm - wash face and in bed reading
9:18pm - more fussing and Nuk fetching
9:30pm - lights out if we make it that far
9:31pm - are you kidding me, come on remember the watermelon incident?!
10:59pm - grr, pop the Nuk back in
1:23am - again with the fetching, nightly potty break
3:01am - ARGH! not again
4:03am - where the hell is my duck tape, pass me some rubber bands
5:09am - WHERE THE F ARE THOSE F-ING NURSES?!

And that is when Baby H is perfectly healthy, no teeth coming in and the the diapers have held more than their maximum capacity. Is there a boot camp for this kind of thing? There should be. Baby pacifier weaning boot camp, they would make millions. Do you know how much good sleep is worth? Do you know how irrational sleep deprived parents can be? I know some one out there wants to use us to their financial advantage - come on I am begging you!
We have tried on two unsuccessful weekends to wean Baby H from the pacifier. Big fat FAIL! The first weekend she got a massive fever, and the second she was teething. And I was not going to be that mom that took away the pacifier the weekend the tooth came in, how heartless. I'm sure it is bad enough that I have caffeine on a regular basis.
So we have to remedy this situation soon. We are both going crazy. I drove through two traffic lights in succession and could not immediately recall the color of the lights - that is not safe people! It seems like a dose of tough love may be coming to our house sooner rather than later. Unless that boot camp thing works out - you have a guaranteed customer right here!!